I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize