I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
