Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
