Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
