My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
