I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize