A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its about making memories worth repressing
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
