you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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