i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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