we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
