Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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