So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
