is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
