he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
