I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
