Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
