They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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