I think my vagina is haunted
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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