She announced her abortion via fbk
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
