I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
someone owes me an orgasm
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
