is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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