I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
