i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
