wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize