Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
