Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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