he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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