Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize