My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
