I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
