the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
