How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
