You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
