My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
