I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
