youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
