very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
