I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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