Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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