For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
