this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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