things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
