margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
