The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
