we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
