What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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