glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
