why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my shit smells like andre
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
