yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
