Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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