ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
