how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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