My sheets look like a crime scene.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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