Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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