I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Even my vagina gasped.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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