dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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