what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
