i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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