I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
