Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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