I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
