areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have tasted many bathrooms
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FUCK WHALES
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
