So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
