i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
