Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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