My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
