at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
