You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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