That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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