I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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