My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
