i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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