I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
