guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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