i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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