forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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