It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
