my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize