I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
