If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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