Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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