after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
