i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
