some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
