i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
