I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
