Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
