I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
