Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
