Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
