dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
